


Holding you close

by James_is_Sad



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, give junkrat a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/James_is_Sad/pseuds/James_is_Sad
Summary: When left alone Jamison starts to having a panic attack.





	Holding you close

Icantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreathe

The junker was crouched in a corner. He fought back heavy tears as they gushed through his skull.

BreatheBreatheBreatheBreathe

He could remember. How he wish he couldn’t remember.  
The sights and smells of those days tortured his mind. When he was just a lad he was surrounded by death. Blood. The smell of rotting corpses. The crawled their way into his mind.  
His mates screams of agony as they were dragged away into the deadly trucks that no one returned from. The smoldering heat that trapped him under the loose floorboards where his mother told him to stay until the screaming stopped. “Quiet,” She said. “Don’t move, they can’t see you.” He listened to his mother and did as she said.. He sat there. Silently. Still. Alone. Until the noise suffocated him.

He shook uncontrollably, He was alone alone alone alone again. He had no one. Normally Roadhog was by his side when he broke down. Now he wasn’t, Jamison couldn’t even remember where he had gone. He was gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Just like mum! And his mates, or everyone who had ever abandoned him. And Lucio, oh Lucio. Gone as well, as he should be. Someone like Lucio shouldn’t have to see this mess. This worthless shitshow.

Jamison reached down into his pocket searching for an item. When he found it he started flickering it rapidly.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

The lighter flickered. In the flashing madness he could make out the shadows of his apartment. Our apartment. He corrected. 

On. Off. On. Off. 

Lucio lived here as well.The Lucio who somehow found worth in the filthy junker. Perfect, Sweet, Lucio. Mine.  
But how long would he stay. This was hardly a question as he knew he would leave as soon as he saw this. He was a mess. He couldn’t even be left alone for less an hour without blowing his brains out. 

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

He could imagine it now. The DJ would come home any second from a long day at work only wanting to rest. He’d walk in the door and see Jamison for what he really was. Disgusting. He’d see the imperfections in him for what they really were. Lucio would boot him out on the road for some other sad bloke to deal with him. He would never give him one more thought.

On.Off.On.Off.On.Off.On.Off.

Oh fire, the only thing that had been there for him the entire time. It was beautiful, indiscriminate destruction. It will tear through anything in your path, good and bad. Perfect.

On. On. On.

Why smother something so beautiful? It should burn bright everywhere. 

He rose the lighter up to his hand.  
Red hot heat seared through his bones. He held it closer as it seemed to melt away his skin. He blinked back tears he didn’t know he was still making.  
Disgusting. 

He smashed the lighter on the floor. The liquid spilled out over the floor. He was an idiot! An absolute moron! Lucio will kill him.  
Lucio will leave me. Good! How did you think this would work! You think he’d stay after you almost burn your entire fucking hand off?

“Disgusting,” He hiccuped. “Disgusting,” he sobbed. “I gotta fix this before that frog fucker gets back and sees this mess.”

He could do no such thing as he listened in agony to keys being jammed into the lock.

Quiet. Don’t move. They can’t hear you.

“Jamie!” a soothing voice called. “I had extra time after work so I picked up some boba! It’s here on the counter if you want some. 

Quiet

“Jamie? You here? Babe?”

Don’t move.

“Jamie! Oh my god babe what happened?”

Jamison could only imagine what sight Lu saw. A dirty, crying, mess covered in his own blood. Coated in the smell of burning flesh. 

“Shh shh, hey it’s okay i’m here”

Alone.

Whatever he saw must not have been repulsing enough to scare the DJ as he began to wrap his arms around the crying mess on the floor and stroke his hair.

“I’ve got you. You’re fine. Please breathe.”

On that command he exhaled sharply and pushed him away

“Don’t look at me!’  
“Jamie what did you do. Please talk to me.”

He was answered with sputtering gasps and choked sobs.

“Me.. mum.. I..”

“Breathe”

“You.. left and..”

“Shh.. I’m here.”

“You left me for good.. You saw how awful I really am.”

“No, no, no, why would you think that I love you, I won’t leave. Promise.”

“You should though! I’m a mess! I’m disgusting! Worthless! Why do you care about me?”  
Jamison spat.

Lucio stood up and walked towards the kitchen.

You’ve really done yourself in this time you STUPID FUCKING IDIOT

Lucio walked back towards him. In his arms he carried a blanket, the boba, and some headphones. He curled up next to him and draped the fuzzy blanket on Jamie’s shoulders.

Lucio’s warmth pressed into to Jamie’s side. A comforting heat flowed through his body.

“I love you Jamie. That’s why you’re in my arms right now. You’re not a mess. Panic attacks happen to the best of us. Everything’s okay. I promise.”

Lucio handed the boba tea to the man in his arms. Milk tea - half sweet.

“Drink.”

Jamie reach hesitantly towards the drink. He could do this for Lucio.  
If you can put up with a mess like me you must be half mad.

Jamie did as he was told and sipped on the tea. He hadn’t had it in so long. He wondered why as the sweet drink coursed through his veins and made everything almost feel okay.

The pair moved to the couch where Lucio let Jamie rest his head on his lap as the smaller man ran his fingers through his hair. 

They stayed like this until the rise sun disturbed their resting bodies. Jamie was content. He stayed still as to not wake the man sleeping peacefully beside him. This would happen again. Sometimes Lucio would be there for him, other times he was by himself. But even as sobs racked through his body in the dead of the night when Lucio was away Jamie could always remember one thing.

I’m not so alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you for reading! This is my first work and I would really appreciate feedback


End file.
